Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Dreams of Dad

Had another dream about Dad last night, Can't remember the details very well. He had been admitted to hospital but he hadn't died, he had recovered but not enough to go home so we were organising a day out for him I think; then the dream changed and we were on a weekend break somewhere, but I got lost and was trying to retrace my steps back to the holiday home we were all staying at. In the dream we (dad and me) had a long conversation but I can't remember what it was about, I think he was just saying wise dad-type things and I was was talking back thinking yeah, he was really wise ;-) In another dream a few weeks ago I met his spirit while walking along a beach, later on I met my Gran's spirit and I tried to get his spirit and my Gran's spirit to meet so they could talk to each other and move on. In yet another another dream a few weeks ago we were talking on the phone, he was still living in Caterham down south and I told him I loved him at the end of the phone call, think I woke up crying at the end of that dream.

Maybe this is to be expected? Obviously not having my Dad around anymore coupled with the swiftness of his passing has left me with an emptiness (subconsciously and consciously) that will take some time to figure out. I was talking to my sister about it and she said when someone close to you dies it leaves a gap in your soul and your soul has to grow and change shape. It's similar to what happens when you have children, you have to change to become more responsible when a child arrives to that you need to look after - when Abby first came home from the hospital after being born I remember I was so nervous, the in-laws brought a bottle of champagne and after a few sips I started to get little tipsy and I immediately started to panic thinking "oh no, I can't be tipsy while looking after a baby) . My sister's very cosmic, if you hadn't guessed. She's also lived and worked in Peru near Machu Pichu; I'm very jealous ;-). We're trying to sort out his estate at the moment but it's not easy, he was something of a hoarder so he's kept every single letter he received for the last ten years, not fun trying to sort through it all.

Anyway, in the conscious world ;-), it's two of our friends' 40th birthday this Saturday, it's music based fancy dress. I was originally going to go as one of the Beatles but R wanted to go as a duo so we're going as the White Stripes. Gutted, I wanted to be John Lennon for the night ;-) Ah well, at least the costumes will be easy. Think I'd better start working out as well...


Gemma said...

I think its nice to dream of your Dad, you can see him again. I remember when I lost my cat I would pray to have dreams of him so I could hear his purr as it was the most comforting noise to me, he had been around since I was born and it helped me sleep!
I love the dreams that mean something, hang on to them because they will become less frequent as time passes xx

Kiz said...

Definatly nice dreaming about your dad. I love mine to Cancer when I was 18, im 25 now and he still pops up in dreams. We go out, we do stuff at the old family home...we live life together when im asleep. And thats how I chose to view it; We cant live life in the conscious world anymore, so we live it on and off in the Sub-conscious world instead. Thats where your dreams come from after all. Memorys + fears and dreams and things you miss all come back at night.

I know you've been dealing with it since Dec (I think?) but for me personally, it helps alot to attatch something physical but random to your dad. Example, I use the Moon: When I can see the moon in full, Dads around. When its gone, dads busy. I didnt link the two on purpose, it just happened one day and its comforting.

Hope ur dealing best you can :-)