Dear Darkness...;-)

...Please could you see to it that I not catch this cold that the rest of my family have? After two weeks away, Oscar has caught another barking cough cold after only four days back at nursery. The last cold I caught gave me a rubbish night cough that is only just going after a full month including two weeks of mind numbing IVs and another two weeks of male PMT inducing orals (Cipro) to make sure it's fully gone. I'm just starting to get clear. Please.

Yours sincerely
-Mr Rubbish lung man

In other news, I went to see PJ Harvey (you have to see her live, she's brilliant!) last week and met up with my sis and a couple of my old band mates Matt and Pat before the gig. Was good to see them after so long and see they've not changed - even after a year or so we just picked up where we had left off. Good times, shame the gig was on a Thursday, but at least I didn't have a hangover the next day.

We're off to Newcastle this weekend for Rachel's Half Marathon (she's doing the great North Run) she's been doing great with the training, although the running has taken it's tole on her feet (her nails are falling off and there's been loads of blisters). Anyway should be interesting looking after two hyperactive kids in the Toon while she runs. The kids are going through an "arguing" phase at the moment so it may get a little fraught ;-) Hope the weather's good for Rachel's run.

End of the Ivs shower

Well, I can't wait for this set of IVs to end and to have that lovely first proper shower without worrying about getting my cannula wet - I also haven't had the sense of smell for the last ten days possibly thanks to the Meropenem. And the runs. it's all good fun ;-) ...also; I've been thinking about this a while but I don't think the IVs are having as big a clearing effect on me as they used to, it's taken till the end of the 2 week course for the IVs to start to kick in on clearing my lungs...I swear it used to take 3 days before my lungs would go clear...why this is now I don't really know - I suspect it may be because my small airways are getting more knackered (losing their elasticity, otherwise known as COPD) so it is getting harder and harder for me to bring up the mucus from the small airways. I was also wondering whether it was down to the IV Tobramycin causing a problem in a similar way to the nebbed Tobi which caused my lungs to produce more sputum. Don't know. Maybe I need to chat to the doctors about trying something else...maybe a three week course instead of just two (shudder, hurl), or maybe with prednisolone?? anyway here's hoping the holiday air will clear my rubbish lungs just as much as the IVs...

Off to France tomorrow (Vendee) with the kids, via a car, ferry, and getting lost in France...hope the sense of smell returns in time to smell the sea, the sun and the French food ;-)

New Doctor + Missed Vein = Pain

Well, I'm back on IVs after the oral antibiotics failed to do the trick. Got into the outpatients at 3 and it was mega busy, I couldn't even find a place to park. Unfortunately there was a new doctor (and trainee) that I saw for my appointment. I hate new doctors, it always takes me a while to get a rapport going with doctors (unless they're Connie Beecham, which has not happened yet, unfortunately ;-). Anyway, I / we decided it was time for IVs. The cannula itself is usually put in by the nurses, unfortunately this time it was put in by the trainee doctor, Nooooo! I could tell he was nervous when trying to find a vein to put the pink cannula in, true enough he missed first time and seemed to spend an interminable time poking around trying to find a vein, despite the fact that I told him exactly where my good vein was. And the area he tried was miles away. Grrr...anyway, second time lucky so not atrocious. If he'd failed a second time I would have asked for a nurse to do it instead.

Blows were down at FEV1 2.5/3.6 although I went for a half hour bike ride on Tuesday and didn't feel too bad, so a bit weird really. At my last clinic they said that the resistance vector of my pseudomonas to Ceftazadine had increased, so I decided its time to try one of the other IVs, this time Meropenum and Tobi. I have done it before (last time back in 2005) so hopefully it will be OK this time as well....I've also done my back in carrying Oscar. And I have another cold on the way. And society is collapsing. Good luck everyone ;-).

Manchester Riots

"A mob's always made up of people, no matter what. Mr. Cunningham was part of a mob last night, but he was still a man. Every mob in every little Southern town is always made up of people you know--doesn't say much for them, does it?"

— Harper Lee (To Kill a Mockingbird)

I'm just so gutted about this really. I don't go into Manchester on nights out very much these days, (now I've got young kids to look after) but whenever I do I have always felt safe, and now that seems to have been taken away. I see some of these robbing clowns are even looting charity shops which help raise money for underprivileged kids. I consider myself a liberal socialist; I've worked in Salford and seen how depressing / deprived it is, I want to see these kids break the cycle of benefits + dropping out and make something of their lives. But this isn't political protest, they're not protesting against racism or for democracy. It's not even nihilism because to be a nihilist you have to reject the idea of "cool" logos on sportswear as well as society's rules. This is pathetic opportunist robbery and vandalism. I want these thugs to be tasered / immobolised before they damage any more of the city I love.

Amy Winehouse

Whatever else you can say about Amy Winehouse; there is no doubting her talent. An incredible voice and a fantastic songwriter. I think we've lost the Billie Holiday of our generation.

Not really going to try to discuss her addictions/probable bulimia, but like Kurt Cobain before she was obviously a gifted but ultimately flawed and vulnerable person with a lot of demons to overcome. I think a lot of her fans (myself included) were mystified as to why Amy could not gain strength from this soaring talent (apparently she wrote Rehab within half an hour; she recorded Valerie in one take) and ditch the drug taking losers and sort herself out.

Russell Brand wrote a lovely tribute to her and addiction in general and I pretty much agree with every word. We also need to get away from this music industry idea that drugs are cool. The Beatles may have dabbled in drugs back in the sixties but it shouldn't be exaggerated; they were never high when they were in the studio. Amy Winehouse wrote and recorded Back to Black with Mark Ronson within a week when she was stone cold sober. Anyway. Back to the voice...

Camping it up

Currently agonising about whether to go camping in the Lakes (Eskdale Valley) with the kids this weekend; part of the problem is all the extra stuff you have to remember to pack for the kids to keep them happy, it was a lot simpler in the old days! Ah well, I suppose if we don't go now we won't be going this year. I'm hoping to get back to an old campsite in Eskdale valley. I camped there with some of my mates back in the nineties when we were all a bit wilder; thankfully we've all calmed down a bit now ;-).

Me: "Alright Chaps, We’re thinking of going to Fisherground campsite this weekend, leaving early Friday because they don’t take bookings. This site has special memories for me because the first time I was there B threw a can of soup over me and V puked up all over his tent after too much ale. Give us a shout if you fancy coming."

V: "I was so ill that night! The soup was hilarious -I think most of it missed you and went over his car. Didn't he drive off after that with soup dripping down his car door after that?"

Me: "Yes, B dented his car skidding around the campsite and then we rescued a semi-conscious sheep at the roman fort that had fallen into a stream"

G: "Eskdale that was when we all jumped off that bridge into the stream? wouldn't dare do it now but I was hurdling it from the other side of the road pissed up "

V: "Checked that bridge out few years back, no way I would jump it know, we were crazy back then.
Can't believe you remembered that sheep!"

Can't start a fire without a spark...

"I wake up in the morning, and I aint got much to say
I go to bed in the evening, feeling the same way
I aint nothing but tired, tired and bored with myself
Hey baby, I could use just a little help"

-Bruce Springsteen, Dancing in the Dark

God, I must be ill if I'm singing Springsteen in my head (I don't even like Springsteen, apart from his Glastonbury show the other year). I got a cold last week and it doesn't seem to be shifting...I keep waking up tired with my nose and lungs blocked up, it's a bad virus alright. Oscar has the same cold as well (think he caught it from nursery and gave it to me) and he's got a violent cough too, especially when we're all sat together eating...I've ordered some oral antibiotics from the hospital (they faxed them through to my GP) so hopefully these will do the trick, otherwise it could be time for some more IVs. At my last clinic they said (after some probing questions by me) that the resistance vector of my pseudo to Ceftazadine had increased, so it may be time to try one of the scary IVs, like Meropenum...here's hoping I don't need to...

My Dad's house is now under offer; so me and my sister (and HMRC ;-)) may be getting some money through some time soon. I don't know, I just feel so empty at the moment, I'd give all the money away if it'd bring my dad back. Although it's nice to know there's some security there with which to look after the kids in case anything happens.

Work is just not inspiring me at the moment, part of the problem is that the two mates who I was working with every day when I first started the IT developers job a couple of years ago have left, so I'm a billy no mates in the office on my own (there are some guys upstairs, but it's not the same as having someone to talk shit to all day ;-)) Part of the problem I think is that the HQ of the business is down in Norwich so although I get fired up when I go down there for meetings about business strategy and all the work were going to do, I am inevitably forgotten about and left to my own devices when I return back to Manchester and the work seems very slow in arriving at my desk. The business is also taking on a lot of contractors in Norwich (at great expense) to do jobs that I'm pretty sure I could do, especially if I was in a half-decent team. I think it may be time for a change; a new challenge, I'm starting to get jealous of my mates when they talk about how busy they are in their jobs...

The Polecat

Abby: "Mummy, there's an animal under the shed, it's cute!" It certainly is.
The little critter has been nosing around underneath the shed for the last few days. I love seeing the world through kids eyes. I get so wrapped up in my own trivial little dramas that I forget how fascinating the world can be.